KIDNAPPING MR. HEINEKEN Falls Flat as Crime/Action Movie

INTRODUCTION: KIDNAPPING MR. HEINEKEN

Kidnapping Mr. Heineken advertises itself as a cinematic retelling of the 1983 kidnapping-and-ransoming of a rich beer tycoon from the perspectives of the criminals. However, it ultimately dissolves into a long snooze-fest as the brothers in crime wait for the money to pour in from the police. 

US Release Date: March 6, 2015 

Length: 95 Minutes

PLOT: LOTS OF WAITING

In 1983, a group of childhood buddies join their minds together in a brainstorming sesh and then kidnap Mr. Heineken, the heir of the Heineken brewing company and also one of the richest men in the world at the time. A ransom is demanded from the police, and in the meantime, they feed Mr. Heineken and his frightened chauffeur, who they also kidnapped and shoved into the back of the van. We follow the young men from their plotting, their execution of the crime, and then to their fall. 

MORE BICKERING THAN SHOOTING

On IMDB, Kidnapping Mr. Heineken is classified as an action / crime / drama / thriller. When I saw the movie, I was disappointed. Movies should describe their genre elements the way food labels do: by order of the largest quantity to the least. Here's my un-scientific breakdown of Kidnapping Mr. Heineken's genre ratios:

Drama: 95%

Why 95%? A large part of the movie was centered around the drama between the brothers in crime. Cor van Hout, with a pregnant girlfriend, has the most to gain (and lose) out of the group. A few attempts to humanize the criminals were made. While I occasionally felt pity for the criminals, I found none of their life stories all that compelling or likable.
Anthony Hopkins dominates the screen during his short and brief appearances as the calm and calculating Freddy Heineken. His place in the script is quirky and quite intriguing. Hopkins definitely has the gravitas to carry this movies, but although the entire movie is centered around his character, we barely get to see him except when the criminals feed him in his cell.  

Crime: 3%

The young men may have planned the heist and they do curse like pirates, but they're decent folks at heart when it comes to the value of life. Even purportedly tough-guy Willem wusses out when he's faced with killing Heineken. No explorations of the dark potential of the human spirit here.  

Action: 1%

Most of the guns are for waving and threatening, not so much killing. The actual kidnapping of Freddy Heineken happens in a flash, and then it's over. What action? 

Thriller: 0%

All that bickering filled the movie like cotton. Lots of frill, no thrill. 

A TALENTED CAST:

Anthony Hopkins

Anthony Hopkins dominates the screen during his short and brief appearances as the calm and calculating Freddy Heineken. His place in the script is quirky and quite intriguing. Hopkins definitely has the gravitas to carry this movies, but although the entire movie is centered around his character, we barely get to see him except during very select parts.  

The actors who played the criminals were good, but not show stars. It also didn't help that the script didn't allow their characters to evolve much beyond bickering and soap opera-style drama. 

At times, there was little to distinguish the young criminals from each other besides the fact that one of them was expecting a baby. The younger actors who played the criminals are: 

Jim Sturgess 

Jim Sturgess has shown up in Cloud Atlas and Across the Universe. Jim Sturgess's performance as Cor Van Hout is good but there wasn't much for him to work with.

Sam Worthington

The lead from Avatar and Clash of the Titans, Sam Worthington returns to the large screen as the scruffy Willem Holleeder. I wasn't too impressed with his acting chops in Avatar or Clash of the Titans, but his work here is an improvement even though he sounds way too British for the Dutch character that he's supposed to be. 

Ryan Kwanten

Also known as Sookie's hot brother from True Blood, Ryan Kwanten was cast here as Jan "Cat" Boellard. 

Mark van Eeuwen

Never seen him before, but he's handsome. Mark van Eeuwen plays the volatile Frans "Spikes" Meijer. 

WHY SO BRITISH?

The quick and constant bickering between the buddies seems to channel the style of British crime movies such as Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998). The British accents that pervaded throughout this film were distracting from its supposedly Dutch setting.

CONCLUSION

I give Kidnapping Mr. Heineken a 5/10 due to the good cast, amusing moments with Mr. Heineken in his cell, and great concept but poor execution. At times, it felt like the actors' talents went to waste due to poor character development and a lifeless pacing encumbered with pointless bickering.  

Movie Review: How to Train Your Dragon 2 (2014)

How to Train Your Dragon 2 (2014)

One thing that I noticed was that despite all the kiddie trailers and marketing to children, a lot of the kids in the theater were actually pretty restless during the movie, particularly during some of the more poignant scenes.

Movie Review: 22 Jump Street (2014)

22 Jump Street (2014)

We're all probably familiar with the way that a concept that starts out novel and fresh can be milked into oblivion, like the Paranormal Activity series and any other action/horror/comedy movie that becomes a surprise hit. 

22 Jump Street is extremely conscious of the fact that it is a sequel movie stretching the premise of the first one, and so it makes fun of itself throughout the entire movie. Do Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill look like they could pass as college students? Heck no, and here, no one at the college buys their disguise for a moment except for maybe Maya. The movie makes fun of itself and its older-looking actors, and this self-referential attitude makes the sequel status somewhat more acceptable due to the extra layer of "funny" even though I know it's still a sequel. If that makes sense.

Movie Review: The Fault in Our Stars (2014)

If I weren't such an uptight grape, I would have cried. Despite this being the third week that the movie has been out (and on a weekday!), the whole theater room was filled with teenagers, from families and groups to young couples enjoying their summer vacation.

Movie Review: Maleficent (2014)

Maleficent (2014)

I'm attracted to anti-heroes and certain spin-offs, so when I saw the trailer for this movie, I was instantly hooked. Maleficent is a Disney, live-action retelling of the Sleeping Beauty story (and its 1959 Disney animation) from the perspective of the villain.

The Joy of Six-Dollar Evening Tickets at the Local AMC Theater

(Photo Credit: Disability Rights Galaxy)

Evening movie tickets at the local AMC theater (Palm Promenade 24) are going at six bucks, so the hubster and I have been making up for lost time at the movies since I was swamped with finals during early June. I took notes for what I thought about the movies, but I haven't been able to write them until this week.

With the low prices, we're seeing a lot of large families lining up to buy tickets, from older clans to groups with demon spawns figuratively crawling all over the carpet. The place is a lot more crowded than it has been for a really long time. In the evenings, teens cluster together by the potted plants in front of the building like birds. I'm guessing that despite the cheap movie tickets (most of the film cash goes back to the studios anyway), they're hoping to make money on concessions. Luckily for them, Poly likes his ICEEs, and I like to eat.

I don't think I've seen this pricing for any other AMC theater, especially not for matinee tickets. I think Palm Promenade has lost some business to the one in Plaza Bonita because the other theater is within a nicer mall with a lot of shops, while this one is sort of an island, with a so-so strip mall and Walmart store nearby. It's the closest one to my house, the customer service is amazing (this guy at the concessions counter waited for me--with the patience of a guru--to turn my phone back on so that I could save $2 on some nachos), and now the tickets are priced well, so it's my favorite theater.

Upcoming movie reviews: The Fault in Our Stars, Maleficent, 22 Jump Street, and How to Train Your Dragon 2.

Movie Review: X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST (2014)

X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014)

Overall, I found the movie entertaining but uninspired, mostly due to the plot of someone going back in time to prevent the awful future from ever happening. As the only one who can survive the trip, Wolverine goes to the past to stop Mystique from killing Bolivar Trask and getting captured and her DNA taken to develop the ultimate weapon against mutants. My biggest issue with the plot is that I knew that at some point it would become a race between the future and past for survival, especially towards the end, to "increase the stakes" or suspense. Some people aren't too concerned with the plot because they're more interested in the dynamics between these characters, but for me, knowing what was going to happen made me a lot less invested in the suspense.

Book to Movie Review: The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones

Release Date: August 21, 2013

Director: Harald Zwart

Writers: Jessica Postigo (screenplay) 
Cassandra Clare (novel)

The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones IMDB page

Spoilers alert!

When actress Lily Collins heard that there was going to be a City of Bones movie, she frantically made a bunch of phone calls so that she could get the role of Clary, a teenage girl who is thrown into the chaos of the war between Shadowhunters (the race of nephilim, half-angel and half-human warriors) and the forces of demons. 

Pacing / Action. 

The Wolverine (2013) -- Movie Review

I saw this movie in the evening during a date. A lot of my comic-nerd buddies didn't like it, but since I haven't read the comics, I'm going to review the movie by itself (and maybe the other X-Men movies).

Release date: July 26, 2013

Summary by Twentieth Century Fox:

In modern day Japan, Wolverine is out of his depth in an unknown world as he faces his ultimate nemesis in a life-or-death battle that will leave him forever changed. Vulnerable for the first time and pushed to his physical and emotional limits, he confronts not only lethal samurai steel but also his inner struggle against his own immortality, emerging more powerful than we have ever seen him before.

There are some spoilers, so watch out! <3